I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
