fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
pray to the hookup gods
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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