I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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