Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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