yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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