haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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