I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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