At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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