So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
