While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
