ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
