if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When did angry sex become our thing?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
