3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize