I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
