The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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