my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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