I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
