just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
