I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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