Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize