So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
and you fell through a lawn chair
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
