my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
