We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
