So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
