Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh god it's open bar.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
