I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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