got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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