If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
