Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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