WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
