U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
