fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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