he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
