the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
