I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
