my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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