Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
