i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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