fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
