I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think my fart just growled at me.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
