I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize