Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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