On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
