Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
