Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize