It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
