dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
