He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
