this beer tastes like vomit already
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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