Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
