At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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