just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
