so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
