But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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