be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
