I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You are a genius and a whore.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
