He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
