i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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