I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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