i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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