Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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