i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
