Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
