she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
