youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
