Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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