So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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